Archive for ranch dressing

ABC’s “The Splash” Would be More Interesting If Diving was into Pools of Ranch… With Sharks.

Posted in ranch dressing, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on March 20, 2013 by bestranch

One of the best parts about Ranch Dressing is that it adds flavor to otherwise dull or crappy food. Of course ranch is best when paired with good quality food but hey its a fact of life.

This is why i wonder why the makers of ABC’s The Splash didn’t think to add some ranch goodness to make their new show a bit more interesting. Currently the show features D-list celebrities jumping into a pool. WOW! I get more excitement letting my french fries dive into my little cups of ranch at restaurants.

I could only watch 15 minutes of the show while at the gym but all i could think about was how ranch dressing would have made the show better for both the contestants (taste reasons) and the viewers.

abc's the splash would only be better if contestants dove into pools of ranch dressing... filled with sharks

To really make it an A+ show comparable to a great show like ABC’s LOST producers should have added sharks. Yes sharks. Sharks swimming in ranch dressing terrorizing the poor d-list celebrities.

I suppose if you must watch The Splash you should go to the restaurant in your town that serves the best ranch dressing and watch it there. Or just go on Facebook….

Note: LOST did feature ranch dressing, proving that any show, no matter what the setting, can correctly incorporate ranch.


Ranch Dressing for the Win- Again, but this time with close seconds.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on February 28, 2012 by bestranch

Have you ever closed your eyes, deep in meditation and wondered where you could find the meaning of life? The answer of course is in the sauce.

Sauce makes the world go around, and that’s why there have been fewer ranch posts lately. I had to take a couple of months as a sabbatical to travel the world (Michigan, Florida, and Chicago) and check out all of Ranch’s tasty competitors. I will share my discoveries below.

Currie Aioli: I discovered this little gem at Graydon’s Crossing in Grand Rapids, MI. I was quite intrigued by this sauce when i saw it on the menu and even though it was not the suggested aioli for my food i ordered it anyways. I was blown away. It had the viscosity of mayo but the taste of Apu from the Quick E Mart and made me leave saying “thank you, come again”.

Gino’s East Ranch: If you have ever been to Chicago then you have most likely been to or heard of Gino’s East. They are known for their pizza but the real champ was….. THE RANCH! Of course any novice ranch-ite can vouch for the flavor match made in heaven that is pizza and ranch but the thin crust pizza at Gino’s mixed with their own blend of ranch makes for a gastronomical delight. Added Bonus: The ranch is so good, and has such a good consistency that it serves as a mouth lube to help you down a full pizza in one sitting.

Swirlberry Sauce: This is completely uncalled for and i know i will get crap for saying this but sometimes desert can actually beat certain ranch varieties. One such sauce can be found at frozen yogurt extraordinaire Swirlberry. Occasionally if you are lucky and go to the Swirlberry in Livonia, MI you can get so lucky as to enjoy the hazelnut chocolate sauce. It has little crunchy bits of deliciousness in it and makes frozen yogurt great. To make this one right in my mind i must add that this sauce would probably rock with bacon.

The Verdict: Although there are a plethora of sauces that occasionally out perform ranch none do so on a consistent basis and thus Ranch is the winner.

Ranch’s Sexy Cousin

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on November 7, 2011 by bestranch

The past week has been difficult for me, i have been battling a tough issue. Really an ethical issue. Is it ok to steal bread if its to feed your family?? OK admittedly this decision was much more of a moral conundrum than something so simple as feeding your family (ps the answer to that conundrum is to have a pet monkey named Abu steal the bread for you…)

But back to the point, i struggled about posting something for you my followers. Specifically i was debating if it would be tolerable to blog about a sauce that is not ranch. I wasn’t going to until my friend Lauren suggested i do to honor Ranch’s sexy cousins… All of the other great mayonnaise based sauces.

I have always been a fan of the basics and the closest in relation, that sauce being garlic aioli. The other day i went to a fantastic restaurant- a mecca for sauces, The Electric Cheetah. It is a swanky little place in downtown Grand Rapids that serves its delicious fries with an assortment of 3-4 different mayonnaise sauces— or as i like to call them, “tasty makers”.

The 2 that really made an impression on me were pure bliss in my mouth. The first and in my opinion best was the spicy cousin of ranch- the red pepper aioli. Spicy, yet creamy and refreshing, it paired especially well with the sweet potato variety of fry, and the Oktoberfest beer.

The second and almost equally amazing sauce was some type of dill aioli. To be fair i was in such a drunk bliss of sauce heaven i didn’t catch the name of this delicious accoutrement but let it be known it had little green flakes of tastiness in it. If someone knows what it was please share.

Ok, thats it, if you are in the area and are a sauce fiend like myself i highly recommend the electric cheetah. Good food, good atmosphere and GREAT SAUCE. Plus as an added bonus my favorite brewery is a block away- Brewery Vivant.

How Useful is Your Food to Your Ranch?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on July 2, 2011 by bestranch

Basically there are 2 types of food.

Food that goes well with ranch dressing, and unfortunately(yes people are still producing these foods) things that do not go with ranch.

Now i will fully admit that there are foods i seldom mix with ranch:Cereal, orange juice, creme brule, tirimisu, and even ice cream.

Honestly they just dont go that well. However one thing that always steams my nuggets is when food that should go great with ranch fails to live up to its expectation. The prime example to this is the BAD FRENCH FRY.

ranch dressing goes with fries

Basically fast food style greasy thin cut fries are not really optimized for ranch. Well honestly they arent optimized for human consumption in general. But they usually especially suck for ranch. what a waste. I understand that some people may like this type of fry, but the thick dudes or waffle fries with a big cup of ranch is what its all about.That being said, places with this type of fry usually have crappy ranch (exceptions do exist) but if your too lazy to make good fries  your probably to lazy to care about your ranch. That my friends is what we call a correlation effect.

Freakily similar

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on June 10, 2011 by bestranch

This is not a typical post, but it made me laugh, and will make you laugh so screw it!

The following link is to a hillarious post about Sriracha Rooster Sauce. But my followers, when you read it please use the word ranch every time you read the word sriracha. It will make you smile.

The link is below.

Insert Ranch when you hear Sriracha!

Fancy Ranch

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on June 7, 2011 by bestranch

Ususually the fancy expensive restaurants do not specialize in ranch. Their usual argument is that their food is so good it doesnt need sauce. BS!. All food needs sauce. Well creme brule doesn’t need sauce but it is pure sugar. Anyways i went to Fleming’s Steakhouse this weekend with some family for a special occassion and dang, they have great ranch. Usually if the food costs over $40 a plate i wouldnt even bother with ranch but i got it with some fancy potatoes and steak and it was out of this world great.

Not only was it good but they give you three different sauces, one of which is crazy spicy and mixes great with the ranch. Yea, i dipped the main course prime rib in ranch, i may have looked dumb but NAM NAM NAM it was so good. I especially also recommend their fancy onion rings in the ranch.

To top it off at restaurants like that you get two waiters which kicks butt because it means you wont run out of ranch. That and its balling.

All that said i don’t know how i can go back to having one waiter and cheap wine at normal restaurants. Oh wait, I’m not rich yet. Crap.

%d bloggers like this: