Archive for May, 2011

Double Stuffed

Posted in Uncategorized on May 28, 2011 by bestranch

The best types of food are those you can double up on. You dip things in sauce so that you can make it taste better right? Why not just batter the food in the sauce then dip again. Go for the gold!

I say this because today i went to Mennas. If you aren’t familiar its basically like burritos stuffed with coney island type food. Sooooo good. I order the Chicken Tender CT dub and the best part? You can choose as many sauces as you want for them to put inside the “dub” and then you can request soufle cups of ranch to dip the sandwich in. I personally recommend getting BBQ and Ranch inside the dub and then dipping in more ranch. Honestly the ranch isnt anything special, it tastes like it should and doesnt really stand out in my mind but it just so perfectly complements the food they serve. I highly recommend the “fries” which are like baby tater tots of goodness.

Usually Mennas is only on select college campuses but if you are ever at Central Michigan University, Michigan State University, or Grand Valley State go get a dub. They especially complement drunken and raucous nights of debauchery.


Choosers CAN be Beggars

Posted in Uncategorized on May 18, 2011 by bestranch

I am not picky about many things in life. Ok thats a complete lie, i am picky. But i deserve to be because i am pretty awesome and have worked hard in life to afford myself the opportunity to be picky.

They say beggars cant be choosers, but choosers can definitely be beggars. I for instance choose to go to restaurants that have good ranch and food that will go well with ranch. I only beg that my ranch will be refilled once, twice, or three times during my meal. I’ve never been a waitress, (or a woman for that matter….) or a waiter, but when nobodies in the restaurant you may as well top off my ranch or bring my a new one.

I went to the Box Bar Grill in Plymouth, MI the other day and had a mixed ranch experience.

bbg The food was delicious, i had the pulled pork sandwich and fries which i dipped in ranch. However the ranch was watery (but still good, it stuck to the fries well). Due to the watery nature of the ranch and the speed at which i sopped up the fries it was consumed in like ten seconds. The waitress however was nowhere to be seen. She finally came and asked if we needed anything and i said “yes please i’ll take another ranch”. What does senora stupid do? NOT EVER BRING ME A RANCH REFILL. DAMNIT. I had to eat my remaining 11 french fries without dipping sauce, and the second half of my bbq sandwhich with no cool ranch to cool off the tangy bbq. I WAS NOT HAPPY. The food at the box bar is always wonderful, the drink selection kicks ass, the prices are great, but honestly the service is always awful.

The ranch gets a rating of 6. I would give it an 8 on a pure ranch scale but if there isnt enough of it available for half a portion there’s honestly no point. I wish this was something you could complain about and get a gift card for free food but some people are stupid and dont take ranch as seriously.

I want to build an army, a ranch army. Any takers?

Red Coat Tavern. A new #1?

Posted in Uncategorized on May 18, 2011 by bestranch

I recently had the experience of experiencing great ranch dressing. Great Burgers. And Great Atmosphere all in one. The place? Royal Oak’s Red Coat coat We went there on Saturday based on some pretty good reviews we had heard from everyone, and it didn’t disappoint. The place itself was pretty packed, there was a 2hour wait. For burgers and good ranch? I’ll take it, luckily we called ahead and were seated in 20. First everything on the menu can arguably be dipped in ranch. Second i was freaking astonished at how good the ranch was. IT WAS PHENOMENAL. Perfect consistency, perfect taste. Now in addition to the ranch a second recommendation is the zip sauce. This sauce is mayo based as is ranch but has an onion’ish taste. The burger (farm raised piedmontiesse) was smothered in the sauce, and i smothered it in ranch as well. FLAVOR EXPLOSION IN MY MOUTH. Even my family and lovely girlfriend who usually don’t go as bonkers for ranch as i do, thought it was good.

The ranch was like Charlie Sheen and four Goddesses doing a line of coke in your mouth and then paying you for renting the space. It was one of those ranch dressings where you dont want the feeling to end, so you make sure that the last thing you eat is smothered in it.

If you have not already been there go now.

What Do Coney Islands and Apple Have in Common?

Posted in Uncategorized on May 18, 2011 by bestranch

Answer: They are both sure things. Apple is colloquially known as a sure thing for a stock, it slowly rises and its a pretty steady bet. The same exact goes for coney islands. No matter which one you go to the ranch will always be pretty good. Today i went to the senate coney island in Northville, MI. Soooooooo good. I got the chicken tender pita and the ranch was phenomenal. Plus the chicken kicked ass with the ranch, plus the fries have an almost minty taste which goes amazing.

I have been going to coney islands since i was born and honestly i have only had like 1 ever bad experience out of at least guaranteed 1500 visits, = 1500000 calories. But its all good i’m totally ok with going to the gym for a couple extra hours if it means eating at a coney with guaranteed great ranch. Nothing in life is ever a guarantee, so when life gives you one SEIZE IT!

Also beware of places that have coney in the name but arent coney islands, these places are never any good. IE Coney Station in East Lansing. Food is sub par at best.

International House of “not ranch”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 18, 2011 by bestranch

Stick with the pancakes Ihop. I took a business class a couple years ago and one of the main points the professor would chant over and over is “businesses should stick to the knitting”. In short this means that companies known for one thing should stick to it and not branch out into crazy territories. IE it was a flop when mcdonalds introduced the mcpizza. Stick to the burgers and fries. Likewise Ihops menu is huge. Not only do most of its items not go with ranch, the ranch isnt very good, even on things it should be good with IE chicken and waffles/fries.

Pro: Ranch was served in a massive bowl. This is amazing and i love when restaurants do this because i dont have to ask for refills of it. Ranch was free unlike lame places that charge for dipping sauce = my ultimate pet peeve. We had a coupon which if you sign up for the pancake revolution you will have a never ending supply of.

Con: Everything. Service sucked. Food was mediocre at best. Portions were small (usually they are huge i ordered fries and got 11 of them wtf?). Ranch tasted nasty, like it had been sitting under the warming lamp for 2years before it was brought to me. Rude waitress interupted our conversation and talked to us for 23 minutes. Food took 39 minutes to arrive which is hard to believe for chicken, waffles, pancakes, and toast.

Ihop should design a special type of breakfast ranch designed specifically for breakfast foods. This would put them ahead of the game! If they do this i want a cut of the check. Maybe a ranch’esqe waffle sauce? Sounds gross but you know itd be spectacular.

When Social Media Meets Ranch Dressing

Posted in Uncategorized on May 18, 2011 by bestranch

There are few things i love more in life than ranch dressing. However there are some, i’m not one dimensional you know. The thing i come to tumblr today to inform you of is a perfect marriage, something so perfect it must have been conceived by the union of Heaven and a Sweet Old Ranch Chef. This sacred union my friends is that of ranch dressing and social media based sales. I went to the Ottawa Tavern (owned by the Gilmore Collection) today for a burger, fries, beer, and ranch and what did i get? A second order of all of that free for checking in with 4square. HELL Yes. I literally got $25 in food for 12.50. Score. Ranch was good too, kinda was that all american ranch you would expect anywhere that had “tavern” in the title but overall very good.


Follow the Clues!

Posted in Uncategorized on May 18, 2011 by bestranch

Look for clues. Are there so many televisions on the wall that you have no clue where to look? Are the waitresses like cute in the face but kinda chubby in the tummy? Are there sad old men playing Keno by themselves at the bar? If you answered yes to any of these questions you might be at a sports bar.

Sports bars are good for many things. You can be loud, you can watch sports, and you dont have to tone down your language for families. Oh yea and they have lots of beer. In big glasses. But none of these niceties compares to the fact that sports bars almost always serve up good ranch dressing.

Good ranch dressing frankly is the tits. (i heard that line somewhere and have waited a while to use it so dont hate)

The sports bar i visited today which had great ranch is Uccellos in Allendale, MI. This place gets props for being an italian restaurant sports bar. They have the classy food and the hangover cure type greasy food youd expect.

Added bonus. Lunch buffet. Everything at the buffet went great with ranch except the chocolate pudding but to be honest, it was pretty good on its own. I especially recommend their pizza with ranch, salad with ranch, bread sticks with ranch, and Stromboli with ranch. You get all you can eat food and ranch all for like $7. Pretty good place, and as a side if you want real food, the chicken Parmesan kicks ass and also kicks ass with ranch.

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